chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
