I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
