What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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