this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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