I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
