I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
