No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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