hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.