I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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