Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.