Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets