so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?