i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
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So much rum. So many feels.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.