He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
