Dual....:-)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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