My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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