question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
