Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
