even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
