Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
