I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
