No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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