I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
