I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We left an ass print on the piano.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
