Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize