I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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