For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
