We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
