why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
