I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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