All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
