WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
