I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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