It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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