just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
