We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
