it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
