Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.

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  (540): I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy. http://tfl.nu/o69i
  Replies (48) Good night (3520) Bad night (1316)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life

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  (617): Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life http://tfl.nu/020c
  Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (4280)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

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  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (9241) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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  (973): how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/ql7e
  Replies (19) Good night (4331) Bad night (2004)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

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  (413): You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uoqp
  Replies (49) Good night (1372) Bad night (4978)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?

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  (703): So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh? http://tfl.nu/suo6
  Replies (34) Good night (1023) Bad night (4864)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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  (252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed
  Replies (56) Good night (1994) Bad night (9612)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.

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  (615): I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line. http://tfl.nu/o0b8
  Replies (5) Good night (4241) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.

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  (207): You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee. http://tfl.nu/mtea
  Replies (46) Good night (2452) Bad night (4658)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.

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  (623): I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take. http://tfl.nu/lajr
  Replies (24) Good night (4507) Bad night (1040)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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  (407): I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame. http://tfl.nu/841f
  Replies (5) Good night (3557) Bad night (742)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.

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  (307): The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity. http://tfl.nu/x8mh
  Replies (2) Good night (1176) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

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  (419): Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg http://tfl.nu/keiy
  Replies (1) Good night (1144) Bad night (284)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.

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  (770): I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle. http://tfl.nu/skko
  Replies (0) Good night (821) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...

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  (720): What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book... http://tfl.nu/q46p
  Replies (5) Good night (1116) Bad night (243)

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