i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is