is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
