when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day