Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

(1-404): View more from Georgia

haha good one..how did you even know?

(404): View more from Georgia

we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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(404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://tfl.nu/dmh7

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(850): View more from Florida

It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.

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(850): It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store. http://tfl.nu/3zcn

Replies (17) Good night (858) Bad night (2255)
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(416): View more from Ontario

that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY

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(416): that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY http://tfl.nu/vrxb

Replies (18) Good night (983) Bad night (4397)
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(703): View more from Virginia

we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

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(703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl

Replies (37) Good night (19916) Bad night (1092)
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(714): View more from California

I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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(714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb

Replies (31) Good night (15195) Bad night (1972)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.

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(804): I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either. http://tfl.nu/j4vn

Replies (5) Good night (3878) Bad night (1010)
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(801): View more from Utah

I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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(801): I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped. http://tfl.nu/dgi2

Replies (10) Good night (1718) Bad night (792)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Do you want cuervo gold or silver?

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(847): Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight? (262): Do you want cuervo gold or silver? http://tfl.nu/7twk

Replies (11) Good night (3364) Bad night (751)
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(928): View more from Arizona

I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.

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(928): I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now. http://tfl.nu/gaaz

Replies (29) Good night (3601) Bad night (779)
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(519): View more from Ontario

you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude

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(519): you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude http://tfl.nu/j4kw

Replies (8) Good night (1810) Bad night (525)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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(778): Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP. http://tfl.nu/dcb2

Replies (4) Good night (1645) Bad night (586)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.

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(319): I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party. http://tfl.nu/7y6s

Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (879)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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(540): Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/u4dw

Replies (2) Good night (421) Bad night (751)
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(440): View more from Ohio

You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.

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(440): You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand. http://tfl.nu/z0q1

Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (359)
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(207): View more from Maine

She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.

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(207): She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head. http://tfl.nu/qg4m

Replies (0) Good night (607) Bad night (336)

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