remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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