I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
