i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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