Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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