He had one of those small greek statue penises
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
