I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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