Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
