i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
