They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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