Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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