Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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