he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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