She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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