I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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