I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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