There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
