She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
