I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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