He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
