I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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