Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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