somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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