im drinking this country out of the recession.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
