i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
