when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
