You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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