Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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