I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
