dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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