Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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