just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
