Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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