im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
