at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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