Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
